A Baby Changes Everything

A baby does change everything doesn't it? With the birth of Jesus in that lowly stable- my life was saved. With the birth of my daughter- my life was made whole. I can't think the Lord more for these babies. One to one day become my Holy Father and the other to call me 'Mama'.

Enjoy your Christmas everyone! I'm hopping the next sled out of here and will be gone till after the New Year. (Don't hate me) Look for new posts and pictures in 2009!

( If your lucky and I get bored this afternoon I may come up with an extra post to grow on for you for the holiday season. The more you know......)

Well Jiminy Christmas!

Oh dear sweet Martha Stewart. I know there are people out there who love your magazines, your cookbooks, your television show, and especially when you make people drink cocktails at nine in the morning and flirt with any male guest you get.

I, however, am one of those people who don't care for you, even though there are some who think you're the cat's perfectly laundered pajamas.

But think about it: you're very highly perfection-oriented; people do your bidding; you say you MEAN well but sometimes you probably threaten people with scissors; you have a "record", and we all know you are not human.

What is there to like about you other then the awesome braids and tattoo you picked up in the slammer. (Which bytheway, you often refer to as "Yale". Can anyone else say 'denial' for me please?)

So, even though its the holidays Martha- I'm going to have to withhold all of my "O tidings of comfort and joy's" and "have yourself a merry little Christmas now's" and replace them with

"Put this in your corn cob pipe Martha and smoke it!"

When you can convince a puppy to hang out with you and join in your holiday cheer without being doped with Benedryl and suspiciously smelling of cinnamon and eggnog--- call me. Then we can talk about how Santa Claus gave you your Christmas wish and made you "a real girl ".

Kalaya's School of Hard Knocks

The following is a list of victims from Kalaya's verbal "beat-down":

1. Clock: Next time you feel like making it "bedtime" before she is ready- I would seriously consider instituting your own "daylights savings time" in order for your lights to be saved.
2. Kitty Cat: Dear sweet Kitty Cat. Seriously, have you seen what she does to the dog? I wouldn't push it if I were you. You have a much longer tail to work with.
3. Ernie: If you feed Bert's birdseed to your rubber ducky one more time- it's quite possible you'll find him floating upside down in the potty- a victim of a deadly swirlie.
4. Choo-choo train: Get it in order choo-choo. There's a good chance that Santa's sleigh and reindeer will be out of commission come Christmas Eve (see #6)and you're going to have to cover for him.
5. Elephant: shhhh- don't tell the choo-choo but your actually going to take care of toy delivery this Christmas. She's just using the choo-choo as a decoy for any other irate children who may have plans to "take care" of business.
6. Reindeer: If I were you Reindeer- I would get my act together before I come on Christmas Eve or I have a feeling that "someone" may ice the roof before you get here. Tread carefully my antlered friend.
7. Elephant (again): And if you tell anyone of her plans ahead of time--- well let's just say you don't want to end up as the joke of the herd and have to work at the Shriners Circus instead of Ringling Bros. with all of your pals.
8. Ernie (again): Oh it's you again. Bring the duck Ernie and leave quietly. Don't look back.

A Regular Cornucopia of Christmas Accouterments, Notions, and Asundary Items

Grana spent the night with us this weekend and Kalaya knows who to call in the morning when she wakes up.
Kalaya: Grana! Come get me!
Grana: (rolling out of bed) Ok I’m coming. Let me go potty first.
Kalaya: Grana- are you coming?
Grana: I’m coming baby- I’m just slow. I’m old.
Kalaya: Well, I’m Dora.
(P.S.- She's named me Boots and Daddy is Swiper.... so get your own character. I think there are still some of the Wiggles left for any brave men out there to impersonate)

While riding in the car with Grana the other day, Kalaya was looking at some pictures of Justice.
Kalaya: (holding the picture of Justice) Hey Gus-Gus! (moving it towards her nose and sniffing) I smell you Gus-Gus!!
( I don't know-- made me wonder too)

One of these things is not like the others, One of these things just doesn't belong, Can you tell which thing is not like the others by the time I finish my song?
What can a 50+yr old Grana be so desperate for that she'll stand in line by herself to see Santa in the middle of the night in 20 degree weather? And, more importantly,do we really want to know? Oh yeah- that's right Mr Claus! You know whose house to stop at first this year!

Also- you may be wondering why you didn't see Baby Jesus in the first picture. Here's why:Can you see him? Sadly, at this point Baby Jesus AND Joseph are both missing. We'll have to do some search and rescue tonight. As Kalaya says:

"Baby Jesus, where's your daddy? Ok, well here's Mickey Mouse instead."

Hugs Are My Kryptonite But Also My Moisturizer

Dearest Reader:

As the holiday season approaches, I must mull over the the fact that you, my computer addicted morsels of blogging bliss, have made my day more joyous with each number adding to my reader counter.

And your comments! Dear sweet reader- they have carried me through the dark and trying times. This generosity of spirit reached out and fondled my grief with its medicinal digits, and I got off the table after a full emotional release feeling newly hopeful.

I'm welling up. The Cup of Justice runneth over; this holiday season I will do nothing but meditate upon your kindness, sending hug after virtual hug into the ether.

Pluck one. Stuff it with cheese. Then wrap it in kisses.

Please, nugget, don't foresake me. I need you now more than ever before.

We both know I'm handsome. Dapper even? I'm Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen, all in one, but without the antlers. But I need you, my Rudolph, to guide my blogging sleigh through the icy blizzard of the week to reach the cozy fire and warmed cider of the weekend. Stay with me- hold me. Let's take this journey together.

Together, we will take those exclamation marks you so cherish in this blog and turn them into parentheses. Why? Because they hug.

(imagine yourself here),
Justice

To Bubba and Lolly

Dear Bubba and Lolly,

Tank you fur taking me to the cristmus tree farm the other daye. I had loots of fun katching a tree with you. Maybee next yeer I can hold the saw? Hoo knows? Tell Gusgus that next yeer he will ned to particupate mor. I cant do evurything for him. I luv you Bubba and Lolly.

Pece up.... A-town down,

Kalaya

Just Muddling Through Till Friday

To say that work is slow right now is like saying Madonna likes to work out.

It's as obvious as the sinewy muscles that are slowly taking over her body and converting her to Mum-ra with a good singing voice. Scratch that- with a voice that sings.But to prove to you just how slow work is ("How slow is it?" I don't know- I'm just saying it's slow. Man, could you just pay attention for like 3 minutes to something I say? It's like talking to a 2 yr old)

Anyways, to prove how slow it is, I'd like for you to read an email that I received from my co-worker on a day when I was working from home. This is all we have people- nothing else can get us through the day.

On Tue, 10/21/08, Aaron wrote:
From: Aaron

Subject: Tuesday without you

To: "Cupcake"
Monday
6:30PM : Made a turn in the locker room and BAMN! 40 year old naked man, almost lost my lunch.

6:35PM Saw Laura, said she sat outside and read a book all day and was bored. Sounds pretty awesome to me. Said to call her if we are going to lunch this week. Guess not, since neither of us are here on payday this week.

7:something PM Went to get changed, 60yr old naked man as soon as i turn the corner, I almost bought the farm at the sight of that

TUESDAY
8:30am read a blog review of the new Viggo Mortinsen movie! It's same author as No Country For Old Men and it looks crazy/Mad Max/Post-Apocalypse world and people eat people for food.

9:13 Nail clipping in the Bullpen.

Hmm...if I had a new baby,(not an old baby or used baby) I'd say to it "now that you are here, time to bone up on your Norse mythology".

9:34 Non came by and asked 'Where's your partner, is the baby sick?'
'Naw, sara's not sick' ZING! I actually said "Sara is working from home, her brother just had a baby." Then she told me to bring something back from Japan for her and she'll give me money, $20.

Seriously, writing this email is all that is keeping me going today.

Time to watch Flight of the Conchords.Scratch that.
10:00 Working on my OCD by fixing my board.
10:20 You called to make sure I was at my desk working. Sir, Yes, Sir.
10:21 Still working on my OCD board
10:39 Finished my OCD physical Excel sheet.
11:30 Saw the episode with 'Leggy Blonde' with hair down to her legs and legs down to the floor.
12:05 Still watching it and eating lunch.
1:00 Got me some milk and a lemonaide. (actually limeaide)
1:18 Sent text message
1:20 Sent text message
1:48 Some nerd is in the cube next to Nick. Now, allow me to justify that comment. He has two lava lamps in his cube. I'll check later to see if he has; a beanbag chair, a 311/Scarface/Dave Matthews Band poster, a frat t-shirt from Greek Week/Pledge Week, and empty liquor bottles lined up on his cube wall.

2:02 Got 3 episodes of Flight of the Conchords left, he wanted to dress like Prince but 'not normal Prince but like how Prince would dress if he is going to the Zoo or shopping'

3:20 Someone was helping Dirty Snoop with his computer problems, it sounded like Jindy but I can't verify that. I do know that her msn was set to away, but I thought she is still teaching. Interesting...

3:21 Decided to watch Gladiator to kill time faster.
Isn't the black guy in Blood Diamonds too?
'Strength and Honor'
Enough Gladiator quotes for you? How 'bout some more

3:40 Wait so Maximus has a thing with that other woman in the past before the movie?
'You sold me queer giraffes'

4:08 Writing on my board, Mary-beth walks over and says BOO!, Scared the poop out of me! Seriously!

'Rome's the mob' That is the truest line out of all Gladiator and describes Rome the best. I want a film thatmakes Rome like it really looked like, overcrowded, dirty and full of evil.

4:40 Can you imagine going to the collusium? Watching people die or Christians fed to lions? OMG that's crazy.

4:50 You know they used to flood it and re-inact boat battles? That'd be cool to see, minus the killing

4:52 Vin Diesel is making a movie about Hannibal, they maybe good or at least it'll be nice to see another film in this time period

5:01 My Name is Maximus Desimus Meridius, you're the man that killed my wife and son...prepare to die!

Thumbs up actually means death in Roman times not life, thumbs down was life/freedom.

Ciao, Bu-chan

So in closing: Is it Friday yet?

Tis A Duel, Sir! (Slapping Opponet With Glove)

Three important life lessons:

1.) Share with your friends. Even if they are your favorite cookies. If you don't- there's a good chance that she will make sure your Matchbox cars "magically disappear" or just bottle up her toddler frustration until many years later when you are on your first date and then pull said date into the living room to see a slide show of your naked pictures from when you were a child. Complete with Right Said Fred's "I'm Too Sexy" soundtrack and high-gloss tri-fold handouts for easier comprehension.

2.) Avoid any party faux-pas. Don't be the one to do anything unsightly or crude within the confines of the party space and most assuredly do not offend the party boy lest you will see your way quickly out of the party scene and onto the floor/gutter/jail. (depending on your age at the time of the party foul)

3.) Never, ever, ever, ever start a prank war with Kalaya's mommy. This WILL NOT end well for you.

I know where the after season deals are for everything and I'm not afraid to buy an extraordinary amount of pumpkins for your car at the cost of 25cents a pumpkin just to be the first to "pumpkin" a car.

What Was I Going To Write About Again?

Oh my! Seriously!? It's Friday already? Wow, where did the time go? You know, I've noticed time slipping away from me lately and I do have some reoccurring memory problems that I still try to blame on "pregnancy brain" even though I was pregnant approximatly 2+ years ago.

But hey, I'm sure there are those guys out there who still tell the younger generation about the good ole' days when they played football for the highschool and broke every state record in hope that we don't notice their potbelly, receding hairline, or obnoxiously loud joint creaks.

You have your crutch- I have mine.

But does that really account for the 5 weekdays that disappeared faster then Britney Spear's hair on any meds free day ending in Y?

I should think not! Curse you- you faulty memory you! Maybe I wanted to remember those cherished moments that were given to me in my corporate maze of cubes this past week!

I wanted to mull over the fact that I sent that email to my company HR representative about my dominance in the Punch Bug Challenge" that my friends and I have on accident and quite possibly shortened my corporate climb up the ladder with one quick click of the Send button.

I wanted to remember what if felt when I was told that I was going to be moving offices again for the 5 time this year.

But what can I say? You, faulty memory, took those things from me and left me blissfully prepared for the weekend.

Oh well, here's to the weekdays in our past- may your copier and cubicle nightmares of office lore be forgotten as the coming of the weekend is upon you! Rock on!

And don't do anything I wouldn't do.

Pull Out Your Cosby Sweaters-- It's Christmas Time!

We went to see Kris Kringle last night at the mall. Kalaya had a blast- this was her first time going to see him. Of course, she took this opportunity to lay some good ole' fashion humor on us in great quantities. As explained below:

1.) Kalaya often refers to herself as “your baby”. Therefore statements can often sound like this---“Your baby’s hungry Mama”, “Your baby’s sleepy”, or “Come get your baby.”

However, this didn’t seem to translate well yesterday when we were waiting for Daddy to get off of work so we could go see Santa. That’s when she came out with this gem-----

“Mama, where is your baby’s daddy?”

Sigh.

2.)Kalaya asked Santa for the following for Christmas:

*A biscuit
*Pancakes (who’s not surprised)
*A Dora potty ( albeit, she already has one and 2 others to boot)
*Pink (yes, that’s right. The color pink. You have a problem with that?)

3.)Kalaya’s Christmas Joke:
Her version of “a priest, a pastor, and a rabbi walk into a room” delightfully intertwined with a knock- knock joke:

Kalaya: Knock knock.
Me: Who’s there?
Kalaya: A Nana, a Grandaddy, and a Grana.
Me: A Nana, a Grandaddy, and a Grana who?
Kalaya: (looking surprised) You don’t know them? Nana’s mountain is in Alta-bana (Alabama for those not fluent in toddler) (pointing out the car window to the mountains) See there!

At this point, I’m pretty sure I just got schooled by a 2yr old.

4.) While looking at her picture with Santa this morning she begin pointing to her and Santa and telling me-" This is Santa and Kalaya Claus". I explained to her that the picture was of Santa Claus and Kalaya. She again informed me that this is a picture of "Santa and Kalaya Claus".

Someone has some explaining to do.

State Your Case For The Court

With the release of the new teen vampire drama Twilight, we have come to see that the world and, especially it's adolescents girls, are basically out of their Hannah Montana drenched minds. Maniacal gaggles of teenage girls rush out to see Robert Pattinson and literally think it's cool to scratch their necks all up to simulate a vampire bite. Of course I have to give kudos to Robert Pattinson for attempting to understand the crazies then quickly realizing these chicks wouldn't think twice about wearing his skin as a coat.

Honestly, I'm not paying my money or a lost button to go see this movie. But, contrary to popular belief, it's not the ever present brooding and anemic face of Robert that's deterring me from joining the army of girls that he could possibly create to destroy us all. It's the simple fact that the whole "hiding in the dark- staying out of the light" thing was sooooo our trademark years ago. Just ask Kalaya's uncle. He can barely function in the sunlight without his sunglasses. It's like his own personal Kryptonite and it seems to be genetic:We have already been there and done that.

Our lawyers will be calling your lawyers, Robert Pattinson.

Extenuating Circumstances

Take a moment, dear readers, and behold my most adorable nephew, Justice:

Is he not suave? Do you not wish to bathe in his baby scented loveliness? Don't you have several baby voices and goofy faces posed in case of a chance meeting with this young man-child of fair face?

That's a good thing, as extenuating circumstances have conspired -- both circumstantially and extenuatingly -- to prevent me from posting new photos until later this week. Please hold tight as I sharpen my homing and tracking skills and locate my lost camera and please, check back later for more studly infant deliciousness. Thank you.

Have I mentioned you look fantastic today?

On a side note... Justice left a deeply heart felt message for all of his blog followers out there:

Beloved Friends,
It is with throbbing arms that I thank you for all your support of The Toddler Made Me Do It, which -- thanks to snuggly little nuggets like yourselves -- has entertained the masses quite possibly throughout central and northern GA. I am so grateful for your dedication, which brought such joy to TTMMDI that I dare say a wee tear squeaked out of my ducts before I dispensed hugs all around. The mailman acted surprised, but he went with it, bless his cuddly heart.

With a caring fist-pump to the sky and a hug in my soul,
Your Justice

P.S. Sorry for no post yesterday. I was just too overcome to focus properly before -- mother just gave me a raise by upping my daily milk intake to 4 oz and the milk coma over took me before I could count to 2! The news made me positively giddy.

It's a 'Sarah Palin" Thanksgiving

After pardoning a turkey for Thanksgiving, Governor Palin gave a surreal interview with a local news team yesterday - right in front of a dude slaughtering turkeys.

Amazing. My favorite part is the look on the guy's face as he realizes "Wow, you're really going to do this." Then gets back to work because it's Alaska, and it's crazy cold out.

Just thought that was some good Thanksgiving humor for you.

However......in the words of Kalaya and illustrated by Justice and Alex----
(after a fist bump)

Peace Up! A-town down!

In T-minus 30 mins I'll be blowing this cubical popsicle stand and heading to the great wide yonder. (a.k.a Alabama)

Remember to love the ones you have, thank the Lord for his blessings, and pray for those who can't be with us this holiday season.

God's grace pours on us from every direction. We remember to be thankful at Thanksgiving but we just forget to be thankful for the "little things" sometimes.

Look at the colors in the leaves this fall- look at the way your childs smile wrinkles that little nose juuuuust right-look at how you can go all day long, working, cleaning, taking care of the kids, running errands- and the whole time God is holding you in his hands and refreshes you every night.

God's gifts to us are magnificent and wonderous!

How can I not be filled with joy every morning when I wake up and I know that I and my daughter are in God's family!?

Happy Thanksgiving to Everyone!

P.S: Just as an FYI- Sarah was no where to be seen near our neigborhood turkeys. Live another day my feathered friends.

M- I- C- K- E- Y--- Y Are You Eating Me!!!???

Grana's holding Kalaya in the back pew of the sanctuary during a funeral.
Grana: Kalaya, you have to be quiet. No talking ok? Be very quiet. No talking or playing- we're in church. shhhhh.
Kalaya: (looking very seriously at Grana) Well can I at least cough?

Grandaddy: (talking to Nana) Hey I've got to talk to you about something.
Nana: Ok- come in here and let's sit down.
(they move to the kitchen table to sit down)
Kalaya: Whatcha doing?
Nana: We're talking about something very important.
Kalaya: Don't you important me!

Kalaya: Nana, let's talk.
Nana: Ok, what do you want to talk about?
Kalaya: Ummmmm....let's talk about pancakes!

Me: Kalaya, what do you want to eat for supper tonight?
Kalaya: Mickey Mouse pancakes.

Me: You wanna sing a song? What song do you want to sing?
Kalaya: Mickey Mouse pancakes.

Me: If you go potty you can get a suprise. What do you want when you go potty?
Kalaya: Mickey Mouse pancakes.

As you can tell- she has a sliiiiiiiight obession with Mickey Mouse pancakes. And heaven forbid you eat Mickey's pancake ears and not Kalaya. Just ask Grana. It doesn't end well for you or the mouse.

Giving Sally Fields A Run For Her Money

-----Or- The Many Faces of Kalaya-----

I'm about to come at you like a spider monkey:

Whatchu talkin' bout Willis?!: This baby is filth! Take this rubbish away and bring me a new baby that isn't as subpar as this poor pitiful excuse of one! At once!:
Oh yeah that's right girl- I saw you lookin at my man:
I'm going to pout till I get what I want- and I always get what I want:
Can you be a pal and see if I've got something in my teeth?:
My play-doh doesn't want to play with me anymore!!:
Say whaaaa? Oh honey- no you didn'!:

You Can Say That Again Marie!

Also- on a side note- those are pimp outfits you two are wearing. I was considering that exact same haircut and dental work but didn't want to look like Jan from Grease.

Anywho- back to Marie/Donny's song (since they are basically one in the same)- so yeah, you could say that I'm a little bit country. Matter of fact I would be more prone to say that I'm alot country. I love going to Alabama and seeing my family. I, with most everyone else in the family, have a plan percolating that will get me moved out there in the next few years or so.

It's gorgeous out there and I couldn't be happier anywhere else then with my family on our land. Our land is by a national park on the Little River Canyon and it proves to be a great place to take some outdoor photos.

The Mill Hole ( Mauldin's Mill Hole)- where we go swimming