A Baby Changes Everything

A baby does change everything doesn't it? With the birth of Jesus in that lowly stable- my life was saved. With the birth of my daughter- my life was made whole. I can't think the Lord more for these babies. One to one day become my Holy Father and the other to call me 'Mama'.

Enjoy your Christmas everyone! I'm hopping the next sled out of here and will be gone till after the New Year. (Don't hate me) Look for new posts and pictures in 2009!

( If your lucky and I get bored this afternoon I may come up with an extra post to grow on for you for the holiday season. The more you know......)

Well Jiminy Christmas!

Oh dear sweet Martha Stewart. I know there are people out there who love your magazines, your cookbooks, your television show, and especially when you make people drink cocktails at nine in the morning and flirt with any male guest you get.

I, however, am one of those people who don't care for you, even though there are some who think you're the cat's perfectly laundered pajamas.

But think about it: you're very highly perfection-oriented; people do your bidding; you say you MEAN well but sometimes you probably threaten people with scissors; you have a "record", and we all know you are not human.

What is there to like about you other then the awesome braids and tattoo you picked up in the slammer. (Which bytheway, you often refer to as "Yale". Can anyone else say 'denial' for me please?)

So, even though its the holidays Martha- I'm going to have to withhold all of my "O tidings of comfort and joy's" and "have yourself a merry little Christmas now's" and replace them with

"Put this in your corn cob pipe Martha and smoke it!"

When you can convince a puppy to hang out with you and join in your holiday cheer without being doped with Benedryl and suspiciously smelling of cinnamon and eggnog--- call me. Then we can talk about how Santa Claus gave you your Christmas wish and made you "a real girl ".

Kalaya's School of Hard Knocks

The following is a list of victims from Kalaya's verbal "beat-down":

1. Clock: Next time you feel like making it "bedtime" before she is ready- I would seriously consider instituting your own "daylights savings time" in order for your lights to be saved.
2. Kitty Cat: Dear sweet Kitty Cat. Seriously, have you seen what she does to the dog? I wouldn't push it if I were you. You have a much longer tail to work with.
3. Ernie: If you feed Bert's birdseed to your rubber ducky one more time- it's quite possible you'll find him floating upside down in the potty- a victim of a deadly swirlie.
4. Choo-choo train: Get it in order choo-choo. There's a good chance that Santa's sleigh and reindeer will be out of commission come Christmas Eve (see #6)and you're going to have to cover for him.
5. Elephant: shhhh- don't tell the choo-choo but your actually going to take care of toy delivery this Christmas. She's just using the choo-choo as a decoy for any other irate children who may have plans to "take care" of business.
6. Reindeer: If I were you Reindeer- I would get my act together before I come on Christmas Eve or I have a feeling that "someone" may ice the roof before you get here. Tread carefully my antlered friend.
7. Elephant (again): And if you tell anyone of her plans ahead of time--- well let's just say you don't want to end up as the joke of the herd and have to work at the Shriners Circus instead of Ringling Bros. with all of your pals.
8. Ernie (again): Oh it's you again. Bring the duck Ernie and leave quietly. Don't look back.

A Regular Cornucopia of Christmas Accouterments, Notions, and Asundary Items

Grana spent the night with us this weekend and Kalaya knows who to call in the morning when she wakes up.
Kalaya: Grana! Come get me!
Grana: (rolling out of bed) Ok I’m coming. Let me go potty first.
Kalaya: Grana- are you coming?
Grana: I’m coming baby- I’m just slow. I’m old.
Kalaya: Well, I’m Dora.
(P.S.- She's named me Boots and Daddy is Swiper.... so get your own character. I think there are still some of the Wiggles left for any brave men out there to impersonate)

While riding in the car with Grana the other day, Kalaya was looking at some pictures of Justice.
Kalaya: (holding the picture of Justice) Hey Gus-Gus! (moving it towards her nose and sniffing) I smell you Gus-Gus!!
( I don't know-- made me wonder too)

One of these things is not like the others, One of these things just doesn't belong, Can you tell which thing is not like the others by the time I finish my song?
What can a 50+yr old Grana be so desperate for that she'll stand in line by herself to see Santa in the middle of the night in 20 degree weather? And, more importantly,do we really want to know? Oh yeah- that's right Mr Claus! You know whose house to stop at first this year!

Also- you may be wondering why you didn't see Baby Jesus in the first picture. Here's why:Can you see him? Sadly, at this point Baby Jesus AND Joseph are both missing. We'll have to do some search and rescue tonight. As Kalaya says:

"Baby Jesus, where's your daddy? Ok, well here's Mickey Mouse instead."

Hugs Are My Kryptonite But Also My Moisturizer

Dearest Reader:

As the holiday season approaches, I must mull over the the fact that you, my computer addicted morsels of blogging bliss, have made my day more joyous with each number adding to my reader counter.

And your comments! Dear sweet reader- they have carried me through the dark and trying times. This generosity of spirit reached out and fondled my grief with its medicinal digits, and I got off the table after a full emotional release feeling newly hopeful.

I'm welling up. The Cup of Justice runneth over; this holiday season I will do nothing but meditate upon your kindness, sending hug after virtual hug into the ether.

Pluck one. Stuff it with cheese. Then wrap it in kisses.

Please, nugget, don't foresake me. I need you now more than ever before.

We both know I'm handsome. Dapper even? I'm Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen, all in one, but without the antlers. But I need you, my Rudolph, to guide my blogging sleigh through the icy blizzard of the week to reach the cozy fire and warmed cider of the weekend. Stay with me- hold me. Let's take this journey together.

Together, we will take those exclamation marks you so cherish in this blog and turn them into parentheses. Why? Because they hug.

(imagine yourself here),
Justice

To Bubba and Lolly

Dear Bubba and Lolly,

Tank you fur taking me to the cristmus tree farm the other daye. I had loots of fun katching a tree with you. Maybee next yeer I can hold the saw? Hoo knows? Tell Gusgus that next yeer he will ned to particupate mor. I cant do evurything for him. I luv you Bubba and Lolly.

Pece up.... A-town down,

Kalaya

Just Muddling Through Till Friday

To say that work is slow right now is like saying Madonna likes to work out.

It's as obvious as the sinewy muscles that are slowly taking over her body and converting her to Mum-ra with a good singing voice. Scratch that- with a voice that sings.But to prove to you just how slow work is ("How slow is it?" I don't know- I'm just saying it's slow. Man, could you just pay attention for like 3 minutes to something I say? It's like talking to a 2 yr old)

Anyways, to prove how slow it is, I'd like for you to read an email that I received from my co-worker on a day when I was working from home. This is all we have people- nothing else can get us through the day.

On Tue, 10/21/08, Aaron wrote:
From: Aaron

Subject: Tuesday without you

To: "Cupcake"
Monday
6:30PM : Made a turn in the locker room and BAMN! 40 year old naked man, almost lost my lunch.

6:35PM Saw Laura, said she sat outside and read a book all day and was bored. Sounds pretty awesome to me. Said to call her if we are going to lunch this week. Guess not, since neither of us are here on payday this week.

7:something PM Went to get changed, 60yr old naked man as soon as i turn the corner, I almost bought the farm at the sight of that

TUESDAY
8:30am read a blog review of the new Viggo Mortinsen movie! It's same author as No Country For Old Men and it looks crazy/Mad Max/Post-Apocalypse world and people eat people for food.

9:13 Nail clipping in the Bullpen.

Hmm...if I had a new baby,(not an old baby or used baby) I'd say to it "now that you are here, time to bone up on your Norse mythology".

9:34 Non came by and asked 'Where's your partner, is the baby sick?'
'Naw, sara's not sick' ZING! I actually said "Sara is working from home, her brother just had a baby." Then she told me to bring something back from Japan for her and she'll give me money, $20.

Seriously, writing this email is all that is keeping me going today.

Time to watch Flight of the Conchords.Scratch that.
10:00 Working on my OCD by fixing my board.
10:20 You called to make sure I was at my desk working. Sir, Yes, Sir.
10:21 Still working on my OCD board
10:39 Finished my OCD physical Excel sheet.
11:30 Saw the episode with 'Leggy Blonde' with hair down to her legs and legs down to the floor.
12:05 Still watching it and eating lunch.
1:00 Got me some milk and a lemonaide. (actually limeaide)
1:18 Sent text message
1:20 Sent text message
1:48 Some nerd is in the cube next to Nick. Now, allow me to justify that comment. He has two lava lamps in his cube. I'll check later to see if he has; a beanbag chair, a 311/Scarface/Dave Matthews Band poster, a frat t-shirt from Greek Week/Pledge Week, and empty liquor bottles lined up on his cube wall.

2:02 Got 3 episodes of Flight of the Conchords left, he wanted to dress like Prince but 'not normal Prince but like how Prince would dress if he is going to the Zoo or shopping'

3:20 Someone was helping Dirty Snoop with his computer problems, it sounded like Jindy but I can't verify that. I do know that her msn was set to away, but I thought she is still teaching. Interesting...

3:21 Decided to watch Gladiator to kill time faster.
Isn't the black guy in Blood Diamonds too?
'Strength and Honor'
Enough Gladiator quotes for you? How 'bout some more

3:40 Wait so Maximus has a thing with that other woman in the past before the movie?
'You sold me queer giraffes'

4:08 Writing on my board, Mary-beth walks over and says BOO!, Scared the poop out of me! Seriously!

'Rome's the mob' That is the truest line out of all Gladiator and describes Rome the best. I want a film thatmakes Rome like it really looked like, overcrowded, dirty and full of evil.

4:40 Can you imagine going to the collusium? Watching people die or Christians fed to lions? OMG that's crazy.

4:50 You know they used to flood it and re-inact boat battles? That'd be cool to see, minus the killing

4:52 Vin Diesel is making a movie about Hannibal, they maybe good or at least it'll be nice to see another film in this time period

5:01 My Name is Maximus Desimus Meridius, you're the man that killed my wife and son...prepare to die!

Thumbs up actually means death in Roman times not life, thumbs down was life/freedom.

Ciao, Bu-chan

So in closing: Is it Friday yet?