Hi. My name is Sara and.....

I am an on- again, off-again sufferer of the dreaded "mom guilt".

Granted, all mom's go through it every once in awhile. Especially when their kids are babies and so defenseless. We are basically living completely for the child. Taking that responsibility for choices and actions made can make mom's think alot of crazy things for sure.
Although my baby isn't really a 'baby' anymore- I definitely face 'mom guilt' on a daily basis.

Matter of fact, this week started a new one for me. I feel guilty for simply waking her up in the morning. How lame is that? But yet I do. I hate seeing my sleepy baby in the mornings when I have to get her up to get her to my sister-in-laws house in time for me to make the 25 min drive to be at work at 8am. I know she'll live-- I mean seriously, how many times do you think my mom and dad had to shake me so hard my teeth rattled to get me out of bed when I was a kid. It's just how it goes.
But what do I do with this small feeling of "oh I hate waking her up"? Oh you know me-- I take it to the extreme.
"Oh I hate waking her up" - while a normal thought for most parents- turns into the following train wreck of thoughts:
1) I should have gotten her to bed earlier last night-- maybe she wouldn't feel so tired.
2) I should be a stay at home mom like my mom was. Since I'm not- I'm not going to do this whole parenting thing right and will end up ruining her life.
3) Maybe I'll put her to bed earlier at night. BUT WAIT! I don't get home till 6pm and then we have to eat and take baths and she already goes to bed at 8pm. If I push it any farther-- I'll literally get in and we'll get 30mins to see each other.
4) While I'm thinking about that-- the babysitter sees her more then her own mother does!
5) I won't do anything I need to do this weekend because it's the only time I get to see her.
6) Maybe we'll stay in Sunday so I can see her and she can rest.

SEE THAT!?!?! SEE THAT RIGHT THERE!?!
There it is! That's how you get out of this cycle. Right there with number 6 you can fully recognize the hard facts of 'mom guilt'. IT IS NOT OF GOD!
Anything that makes me end my express train of thought into a tunnel of doubt or sadness and wants me away from church is NOT OF GOD.

But please, don't ever think that I've always known this. I have cried and cried and cried ---- and cried over these things. I've felt like the worst mother in the world at times. I've wondered how I'm going to ever raise a woman of God like I want her to be when I feel like I'm not doing it right. It was killing me.
I mentioned it once in awhile to my Nana and I knew she was always praying for me.
One day, I got a letter from her in the mail. It was a Guidepost article she read and made her think about me.
***How perfect God's timing is!***
The article went over how guilt is NOT of God. Why would God create me in his image and then guilt me for the love I have and the effort I'm putting into raising my daughter as his princess? He wouldn't! It's like worry--- not of God.
From that day- I've been fully relying on the ' get thee behind me, Satan' mindset and I am trying to fully lean on the word of God.
Here's 4 things you can bet the farm on:
1) Worry and guilt accomplish absolutley NOTHING
Matt 6: 27-29
"Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? Why even worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies in the fields and how they grow. They don't work or make their clothing, yet Soloman in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are."
2) It's just plain not good for you
Proverbs 12:25
"Worrying weighs a person down; encouraging words cheer a person up."
3) It's the opposite of trusting God
Matt 6:30
And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith.
4) It puts your focus on the wrong thing
Matt 6:25
That is why I tell you to not to worry about everyday life- whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn't life more than food? And your body more than clothing?

Why did I bring this up today? Because since I realized what was going on-- I've been pretty good at throwing the guilt away. That is until I start that vicious ' if I wake her up early' cycle.
It was coming back again. What did I do? I sent a message to Nana and told her to pray. What was her response?

"When we serve God- that's when Satan messes with us"

What did I do this week? I finally gave in to God's call and joined the church choir. I hadn't done it before because I was worried about Kalaya being tired staying late on Wednesdays.

I finally listened to God and- man- Satan is kicking it at me BIG TIME! But it's ok-- I know his game and I'm covered by the blood.