It's Alivvvveeeee!!!!

Happy Halloween!
If you didn't know, Halloween is one of my favorite holidays. Don't get me wrong. Christmas is still my favorite ( I know not to diss presents, the spirit of giving, sweaters and toboggans or little green elves for that matter) but Halloween has a special place in my heart. Maybe it's because I'm a 26 year old child raising a 2 year old child ( yeah- add that one up in your head and see if it doesn't make your fingers just twitch to call DFACS) or maybe it's just because I'm a sucker for any chance to dress up and look like a goofball out in public when you normally have to dress up as that goofball in the privacy of your own home. I am the champion of lame humor and love the opportunity to express that in full force on Halloween or basically any chance I can get.

Albeit, my costumes don't normal edge towards being a hooker like most girls/women costumes do now-a-days. My friends and I like to joke that Halloween is like a pass for most women to dress as close as they can to Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman without the pesky nuisance of having a pimp or "trying to put themselves through college".

Have you seen some of the costumes they are selling now that aren't for grown women but for young girls!? Follow me on a costume journey which can be compared to a trip down Hollywood Boulevard:

Holy crap Snow White! Did the Dwarf's get hungry and try to eat your clothing for sustenance or did you slack off on the cleaning duties lately and let the moths get to your skirt? Because seriously- there is no reason for my young daughter to be THAT kind of Snow White. I mean, we are all already wondering why Ms. White lives with 7 men in the first place and this DOES NOT help her situation.
I have soooo many problems with this costume. Primarily though is the fact that it's the most ironic costume I believe I have ever seen. Yes, we know what geisha were. And yes, it wasn't the most noble of occupations but- by dear sweet dragons and firecrackers!- at least they were covered up out in public! Geisha's made up an entire culture based on demureness and mysteriousness. Did you know, the white makeup of a geisha covered the face, neck, and chest, with only two or three unwhitened areas left on the nape of the neck and a line of bare skin around the hairline. If you were lucky, a geisha would show you the inside of her wrist! Last I checked they weren't running around in mini skirts, stretched out wrist bands, and thigh high leather boots shooting Jello shots and dancing to Britney Spears on pool tables. (As I can only assume the woman above would be most prone to do.)
This last one is aptly named- Ruby, The Pirate Beauty Teen.
Seriously Ruby? Do you find it easy to swashbuckle and commandeer things when you are wearing toddlers clothing? Maybe you were shipwrecked the past few years and that's all you had but I'm almost positive that who ever saved you could of let you borrow their puffy shirt. (Oh yeah- follow that link people. Top 10 classic comedic clip right there!) Let me submit a word problem to you Ruby---ready? 1 woman plus 150 lonely pirates equals? Alright then- enough said.

One one webpage alone for girls costumes I saw words like A: frisky, B: luscious, and C: voluptuous. Over my dead body will my daughter be called any of these till she's 85 and that'll only be because A: she can still get around, B: she liked to put too much Luscious Berry lipstick on and got it all over her dentures, and C: she has gained considerable weight in her twilight years.

Thank goodness my sweet pea is only two and mommy still has some control over things like Halloween costumes. Don't get me wrong- I'll be in control later too. She'll be in turtlenecks and jeans till she's 33 as far as I'm concerned. At least for now--- the creepier the costume and not the sexier--- the happier she is. ( As am I.)

Boo to you and yours!