I Am Big- It's The Pictures That Got Small

Alright Mister Demille- I'm ready for my closeup.

Thumper Said It Best- If You Can't Say Something Nice, Don't Say Anything At All

n our house lately- we have been learning that there are words you can and cannot say. The problem is that you have to say the words you cannot say in order to inform someone that "hey there buddy! You can't say those words!" (kind of like the word gestapo) That being said, it's like a by for someone to actually say the bad words. I'm trying to figure my way out of this vicious cycle as we speak- but alas, I'm still circling ( akajunkun- Aaron)

So, Kalaya has figured that if she hears the word "stupid" she should immediately inform the authorities of said word injunction by saying the word "stupid" no less then 10 times. (She knows I have memory issues- she should- she took it from me:))

At least she's learning right from wrong right? Right!

But what do you do when Mickey Mouse uses a word on our No-No list?! How can I argue with the mouse? He's the be all to end all in our house and who am I to correct his speaking?

I tell you who can though.......Kalaya!

When that mouse lets a words slip she is definitely the first to make sure he knows he's in the wrong. For example, this morning we were watching an old Mickey Mouse cartoon (the new ones are better- more politically correct) and Mickey said "stupid". She perked up faster than lightening and quickly informed me that Mickey Mouse said a bad word. I explain that she was correct he did- and he's sorry- but please don't repeat what he says.

Sadly for him, he didn't make it 2 more minutes before he let another dirty word fly.

What word was it you ask?

The dreaded word "INSTINCTIVELY"!!!! OH NO!!!! (btw-when I said the 'dreaded word' all I could think of was the dreaded pirate Roberts from The Princess Bride. sigh. Anyone? Anyone?)Basically- somehow the word "instinctively" got turned around in her head into "ugly" and "stupid". Needless to say- this combination of not only one word but two words now took me 20 minutes to clear up. I don't think me trying to explain it helped any. Actually, I'm still not sure where I am right now. The room is still spinning. Can someone stop the ride? I'm ready to get off now.

Kalaya and Alex's looks of disgust reserved for those with potty mouths....

I Found Nemo- He Has An Attitude

We went to the aquarium this weekend. It was mine and Kalaya's first time there. We were so excited. All week she had been telling me "Are we going to go see the fishies? I want a pink one" (of course pink) So when Saturday got here we were pumped. You can see she started out on a good note and was having a blast:And most of this was just in the stroller ride from the parking deck to the entrance! She was laughing and giggling the whole way!

But.....

why then--- do the next pictures only contain fish?

Where did the sweet adorable lil girl go? What happened- you ask?!

This happened:

This seemingly innocent little 4 foot alligator ruined a perfectly good outing. I had no clue Kalaya had issues with alligators (especially since they don't often have a chance to run up on her where we live and seriously hurt her feelings or cause such deep hatred) But let me tell you! We got to that alligator and by simply sitting there- looking at us- he crossed the line!

She had an ABSOLUTE MELTDOWN!

Through the tears, snot, and tantrums(that was just from me) I was able to determine that the alligator 'bit her through the glass and pulled her shirt'.

sigh.

The day basically ended with me making a few decisions.

1.) No more outings till we get a little older (I'm thinking 18 is nice)

2.) If said outings do take place- there will be no less then 6 adults available to help (since 5 adults couldn't manage it this time)

3.) I need a new alligator belt ASAP!

The Following Test Is Mensa Approved

Match the following words with the pictures:

A.Baby Diaper

B. Baby Bop

C. Baby Bottle

Choices:

Scroll down for answers

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ANSWERS:

A. Baby Diaper:

B. Baby Bop:

C. Baby Bottle

Either Baby Bop is a dinosaur of international mystery in Kalaya's book or she's got some serious multiple personality issues that need to be addressed the next time Barney's school convenes.

"Nobody Puts Baby Boost In A Corner" Just Doesn't Have The Same Ring To It

If you're wondering why these blogs are becoming more of a review of daily dialogue with Kalaya it's pretty easy to explain. Umm.. I have to actually DO work at work sometimes people! I work for a tax software company so needless to say- I'll be busier then a one armed paper hanger from January to April. I try to still blog with things that are easy to get out here for ya'll. (No, my charming wit and writing skills don't just flow out of me:) Those processes take time)

So, without further ado-----

1.) Kalaya singing a new version of The Farmer in the Dale:

Kalaya: The farmer and my tail. The farmer and my tail. Ho, ho drop and roll- the farmer and my tail.

2.) Kalaya's daddy surprised her yesterday by bringing a babydoll to her school on his lunch break. She was so excited when I picked her up that afternoon. She was telling me all about she and the baby did that day. So I asked her " What's your baby's name?" Normally she calls all baby's just 'Baby'. She's never named anything something else. So I wasn't suprised when she said "Her name is Baby". But I couldn't help but laugh when she made an executive decision to change the baby's name 2 mins later.

She changed the baby's name to Baby Boost.

I know your thinking- "Ok? so what?" Well, Baby Boost is a cable channel that she watches at the babysitters house.

3.) Kalaya and I went out to eat Friday night with Grana and KK to Chili's. Since it was Friday night, there was a loooong wait for a table. So we settled down in the front lobby to wait it out. The lobby up front is all glass with glass doors so Kalaya was looking out the windows at the people standing outside. Mom and KK and I were talking when we noticed Kalaya was looking really intently out the window- her nose almost to the glass. We didn't know what she was doing until she turned around, saying really loudly and pointing through the window- " WHO'S BOOTIE IS THAT!?" Needless to say- the entire lobby got a kick out of that one!

And Remember--- You Must Never Feed It After Midnight!

Is there something awry when your own child can creep you out during a seemingly innocent car ride?

This morning- it would seem that Kalaya took the opportunity to channel her inner mogwai...(yes that mogwai- that's the exact one I'm talking about)

...and pull a Gremlin-esque moment out of thin air.

This is the conversation that occured-

Kalaya: Mama. Mama (waiting until I turned around to look at her)
Me: What baby? (turning around)
Kalaya:I'm growing.
Me: I know baby! You're getting to be a big girl now! (turning back to look at the front)
Kalaya: No mama. Look. (and as this point I swear the child spoke as quietly as possible and didn't blink her eyes for the rest of the conversation)
Me: (turning around again) What baby?
Kalaya: I grow when it gets dark. (whispering and still staring)
Me: Huh?
Kalaya: I grow when it gets dark. (eyes still as wide open as Bernie Mac's)
Me: (laughing nervously) What do you mean baby?
Kalaya: When it's dark I grow. Lots. You'll see. (voice still as quiet and serious as possible)
Me: (honestly creeped out a little bit) Hey! Why don't we sing Baa Baa Black Sheep! Ready? Baa Baa Black Sheep have you any wool.........

Coincedence? You tell me!

(no seriously-- tell me. I'm a little nervous about going home tonight)

What´s Mine Is Yours

Story 1:

Kalaya was running through the house pretending she was a bird the other day (which in my book is waaaay easier on the ears then pretending she's a dinosaur). She was running around and flapping her 'wings' when she tripped and fell to the floor. I said " Uh-oh....crash and burn!" She just laughed and got up, running around again.

About 2 minutes later I heard her fall down in the living room again and heard her exclaim

"Uh oh! I crashed my burn!"

Story 2:

Kalaya let me know that she had to go pee-pee yesterday. So I took her in the bathroom and, to show her that peeing is great fun, I said " Ok Kalaya- I'm going to go pee pee too- like a big girl!".

So she and I sat down on our respective potties when Kalaya suddenly asked "Let me see". Obviously, I was not going to let her see but I was trying to think of a good response since she is 2 and doesn't know any better.

So I said " No baby, we don´t show our privates to anyone. You just go ahead and pee-pee and so will I. And when we are finished we can go play".

(As you can see I was trying to throw a bribe in there to get her off of this highly uncomfortable subject)

To which she responded most philosophically....

¨Mama, we are SUPPOSED to share! You´re supposed to share your privates¨.¨and then gave me an all knowing look.

Sometimes.....alot of times, you just don´t know how to respond to these things. Sigh.