Thumper Said It Best- If You Can't Say Something Nice, Don't Say Anything At All

n our house lately- we have been learning that there are words you can and cannot say. The problem is that you have to say the words you cannot say in order to inform someone that "hey there buddy! You can't say those words!" (kind of like the word gestapo) That being said, it's like a by for someone to actually say the bad words. I'm trying to figure my way out of this vicious cycle as we speak- but alas, I'm still circling ( akajunkun- Aaron)

So, Kalaya has figured that if she hears the word "stupid" she should immediately inform the authorities of said word injunction by saying the word "stupid" no less then 10 times. (She knows I have memory issues- she should- she took it from me:))

At least she's learning right from wrong right? Right!

But what do you do when Mickey Mouse uses a word on our No-No list?! How can I argue with the mouse? He's the be all to end all in our house and who am I to correct his speaking?

I tell you who can though.......Kalaya!

When that mouse lets a words slip she is definitely the first to make sure he knows he's in the wrong. For example, this morning we were watching an old Mickey Mouse cartoon (the new ones are better- more politically correct) and Mickey said "stupid". She perked up faster than lightening and quickly informed me that Mickey Mouse said a bad word. I explain that she was correct he did- and he's sorry- but please don't repeat what he says.

Sadly for him, he didn't make it 2 more minutes before he let another dirty word fly.

What word was it you ask?

The dreaded word "INSTINCTIVELY"!!!! OH NO!!!! (btw-when I said the 'dreaded word' all I could think of was the dreaded pirate Roberts from The Princess Bride. sigh. Anyone? Anyone?)Basically- somehow the word "instinctively" got turned around in her head into "ugly" and "stupid". Needless to say- this combination of not only one word but two words now took me 20 minutes to clear up. I don't think me trying to explain it helped any. Actually, I'm still not sure where I am right now. The room is still spinning. Can someone stop the ride? I'm ready to get off now.

Kalaya and Alex's looks of disgust reserved for those with potty mouths....

"Nobody Puts Baby Boost In A Corner" Just Doesn't Have The Same Ring To It

If you're wondering why these blogs are becoming more of a review of daily dialogue with Kalaya it's pretty easy to explain. Umm.. I have to actually DO work at work sometimes people! I work for a tax software company so needless to say- I'll be busier then a one armed paper hanger from January to April. I try to still blog with things that are easy to get out here for ya'll. (No, my charming wit and writing skills don't just flow out of me:) Those processes take time)

So, without further ado-----

1.) Kalaya singing a new version of The Farmer in the Dale:

Kalaya: The farmer and my tail. The farmer and my tail. Ho, ho drop and roll- the farmer and my tail.

2.) Kalaya's daddy surprised her yesterday by bringing a babydoll to her school on his lunch break. She was so excited when I picked her up that afternoon. She was telling me all about she and the baby did that day. So I asked her " What's your baby's name?" Normally she calls all baby's just 'Baby'. She's never named anything something else. So I wasn't suprised when she said "Her name is Baby". But I couldn't help but laugh when she made an executive decision to change the baby's name 2 mins later.

She changed the baby's name to Baby Boost.

I know your thinking- "Ok? so what?" Well, Baby Boost is a cable channel that she watches at the babysitters house.

3.) Kalaya and I went out to eat Friday night with Grana and KK to Chili's. Since it was Friday night, there was a loooong wait for a table. So we settled down in the front lobby to wait it out. The lobby up front is all glass with glass doors so Kalaya was looking out the windows at the people standing outside. Mom and KK and I were talking when we noticed Kalaya was looking really intently out the window- her nose almost to the glass. We didn't know what she was doing until she turned around, saying really loudly and pointing through the window- " WHO'S BOOTIE IS THAT!?" Needless to say- the entire lobby got a kick out of that one!

And Remember--- You Must Never Feed It After Midnight!

Is there something awry when your own child can creep you out during a seemingly innocent car ride?

This morning- it would seem that Kalaya took the opportunity to channel her inner mogwai...(yes that mogwai- that's the exact one I'm talking about)

...and pull a Gremlin-esque moment out of thin air.

This is the conversation that occured-

Kalaya: Mama. Mama (waiting until I turned around to look at her)
Me: What baby? (turning around)
Kalaya:I'm growing.
Me: I know baby! You're getting to be a big girl now! (turning back to look at the front)
Kalaya: No mama. Look. (and as this point I swear the child spoke as quietly as possible and didn't blink her eyes for the rest of the conversation)
Me: (turning around again) What baby?
Kalaya: I grow when it gets dark. (whispering and still staring)
Me: Huh?
Kalaya: I grow when it gets dark. (eyes still as wide open as Bernie Mac's)
Me: (laughing nervously) What do you mean baby?
Kalaya: When it's dark I grow. Lots. You'll see. (voice still as quiet and serious as possible)
Me: (honestly creeped out a little bit) Hey! Why don't we sing Baa Baa Black Sheep! Ready? Baa Baa Black Sheep have you any wool.........

Coincedence? You tell me!

(no seriously-- tell me. I'm a little nervous about going home tonight)

What´s Mine Is Yours

Story 1:

Kalaya was running through the house pretending she was a bird the other day (which in my book is waaaay easier on the ears then pretending she's a dinosaur). She was running around and flapping her 'wings' when she tripped and fell to the floor. I said " Uh-oh....crash and burn!" She just laughed and got up, running around again.

About 2 minutes later I heard her fall down in the living room again and heard her exclaim

"Uh oh! I crashed my burn!"

Story 2:

Kalaya let me know that she had to go pee-pee yesterday. So I took her in the bathroom and, to show her that peeing is great fun, I said " Ok Kalaya- I'm going to go pee pee too- like a big girl!".

So she and I sat down on our respective potties when Kalaya suddenly asked "Let me see". Obviously, I was not going to let her see but I was trying to think of a good response since she is 2 and doesn't know any better.

So I said " No baby, we don´t show our privates to anyone. You just go ahead and pee-pee and so will I. And when we are finished we can go play".

(As you can see I was trying to throw a bribe in there to get her off of this highly uncomfortable subject)

To which she responded most philosophically....

¨Mama, we are SUPPOSED to share! You´re supposed to share your privates¨.¨and then gave me an all knowing look.

Sometimes.....alot of times, you just don´t know how to respond to these things. Sigh.

There Be Doubloons In Them There Treasure Chests!

Kalaya woke up this morning at 6am (sigh) and walked into my room. I pulled her into bed with me and told her to lay down. She did lay down ever so quietly beside me and didn't say anything for a minute or two. After a bit, she slowly rolled over, grabbed my face between her two little hands and gently started shaking my head. I was trying to figure out what in the world she was doing until she spoke.

" Do you have any gold in your head?"

She was simply staking out any claims she may need to make in the forthcoming days on the gold mine which is my head.

I told her that " No I do not have any gold in my head". She was quiet for a moment- you could tell her mind was vibrating with new ideas since her plans for searching for gold were now on hold.

She then said, " Let's watch cartoons!". And again, I informed her, " No, it's not time to get up yet."

To which she responded-

"Are you kidding me!!?"

Ah- you've got to love the innocent(???) sass of a 2yr old!

(Are these the faces of a girl who's willing to give up her gold that easily? I think not!)

I'll Be Here in the Catskills All Weekend Ladies And Gentlemen-Don't Forget To Tip Your Waiter

Conversation on the way to Wal-mart yesterday to get groceries:
Kalaya: Look mama! Store! Let's go to the store and get milk!
Me: Ok baby, that's exactly where we were going.
Kalaya: Yee-haw!
Me: (laughing) That's right baby! Yee-haw cowgirl!
Kalaya: Yee-haw cowmama!

Conversation this morning, while I'm still in bed and she's kicking the wall between mine and her room through her crib to wake me up:
Kalaya: Maaaaaammmaaaa! Mama! Come get your baby. Your baby is sleeping. Mama! Maaaammmaaa Saaarrrraa. Sara. Come get your baby. You remember where she is? I'm right here Mama.
Me: I'm coming Kalaya.
Kalaya: Right now?
Me: Yes baby I'm coming.
Kalaya: Remember where I'm at? I'm where you left me last night.
Me: I didn't just leave you there silly.
Kalaya: Are you sure?
Me:I'm pretty sure baby. I wouldn't leave you anywhere.
Kalaya: (paused to think) Well... I'm still here.

Conversation at Nana's the other weekend:
Me: (sitting at the dinner table trying to eat) Excuse me-- I've got the hiccups.
Kalaya: You've got the pickups?