Hi. My name is Sara and.....

I am an on- again, off-again sufferer of the dreaded "mom guilt".

Granted, all mom's go through it every once in awhile. Especially when their kids are babies and so defenseless. We are basically living completely for the child. Taking that responsibility for choices and actions made can make mom's think alot of crazy things for sure.
Although my baby isn't really a 'baby' anymore- I definitely face 'mom guilt' on a daily basis.

Matter of fact, this week started a new one for me. I feel guilty for simply waking her up in the morning. How lame is that? But yet I do. I hate seeing my sleepy baby in the mornings when I have to get her up to get her to my sister-in-laws house in time for me to make the 25 min drive to be at work at 8am. I know she'll live-- I mean seriously, how many times do you think my mom and dad had to shake me so hard my teeth rattled to get me out of bed when I was a kid. It's just how it goes.
But what do I do with this small feeling of "oh I hate waking her up"? Oh you know me-- I take it to the extreme.
"Oh I hate waking her up" - while a normal thought for most parents- turns into the following train wreck of thoughts:
1) I should have gotten her to bed earlier last night-- maybe she wouldn't feel so tired.
2) I should be a stay at home mom like my mom was. Since I'm not- I'm not going to do this whole parenting thing right and will end up ruining her life.
3) Maybe I'll put her to bed earlier at night. BUT WAIT! I don't get home till 6pm and then we have to eat and take baths and she already goes to bed at 8pm. If I push it any farther-- I'll literally get in and we'll get 30mins to see each other.
4) While I'm thinking about that-- the babysitter sees her more then her own mother does!
5) I won't do anything I need to do this weekend because it's the only time I get to see her.
6) Maybe we'll stay in Sunday so I can see her and she can rest.

SEE THAT!?!?! SEE THAT RIGHT THERE!?!
There it is! That's how you get out of this cycle. Right there with number 6 you can fully recognize the hard facts of 'mom guilt'. IT IS NOT OF GOD!
Anything that makes me end my express train of thought into a tunnel of doubt or sadness and wants me away from church is NOT OF GOD.

But please, don't ever think that I've always known this. I have cried and cried and cried ---- and cried over these things. I've felt like the worst mother in the world at times. I've wondered how I'm going to ever raise a woman of God like I want her to be when I feel like I'm not doing it right. It was killing me.
I mentioned it once in awhile to my Nana and I knew she was always praying for me.
One day, I got a letter from her in the mail. It was a Guidepost article she read and made her think about me.
***How perfect God's timing is!***
The article went over how guilt is NOT of God. Why would God create me in his image and then guilt me for the love I have and the effort I'm putting into raising my daughter as his princess? He wouldn't! It's like worry--- not of God.
From that day- I've been fully relying on the ' get thee behind me, Satan' mindset and I am trying to fully lean on the word of God.
Here's 4 things you can bet the farm on:
1) Worry and guilt accomplish absolutley NOTHING
Matt 6: 27-29
"Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? Why even worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies in the fields and how they grow. They don't work or make their clothing, yet Soloman in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are."
2) It's just plain not good for you
Proverbs 12:25
"Worrying weighs a person down; encouraging words cheer a person up."
3) It's the opposite of trusting God
Matt 6:30
And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith.
4) It puts your focus on the wrong thing
Matt 6:25
That is why I tell you to not to worry about everyday life- whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn't life more than food? And your body more than clothing?

Why did I bring this up today? Because since I realized what was going on-- I've been pretty good at throwing the guilt away. That is until I start that vicious ' if I wake her up early' cycle.
It was coming back again. What did I do? I sent a message to Nana and told her to pray. What was her response?

"When we serve God- that's when Satan messes with us"

What did I do this week? I finally gave in to God's call and joined the church choir. I hadn't done it before because I was worried about Kalaya being tired staying late on Wednesdays.

I finally listened to God and- man- Satan is kicking it at me BIG TIME! But it's ok-- I know his game and I'm covered by the blood.

Why Don't I Blog Anymore?

Because every stinkin time I load pictures into my blog it shuts down and loses all the work I did.

And it's no better 3 months later.

So there.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GUS GUS!!

BEAR LOVES YOU THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS MUCH!

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE......

This precious, adorable, smart, funny child!

I couldn't imagine a day without her being with me-- through all the good and all of the bad-- we are always hanging tight.
She has such a heart for family and togetherness and it makes my heart just about burst with love and pride for her.

She's my best friend (yes, my best friend is 4) and my best audience.

Don't you want to just squeeze and pinch her little cheeks and eat her right up!?

You Can Find Me...

on tumblr!
Thanks to Hollie at Everyday is a Hollie-day for the GREAT idea!
It's perfect for keeping track of all my wish-lists. Especially all the projects running around in my head.

View my tumblr site at http://isohavetodothis.tumblr.com and pass along any other ideas you have.

Sara!
(Don't forget to check out Hollie's site-- very cute ideas from the wonder mom!)

Happy Birthday Lay-Lay!

Kalaya turned 4 this past weekend and we had a weekend of birthday festivities to celebrate. Of course, like usual, we held it at Nana and Grandaddy's.

This years' theme ( decided last year in December-- my baby knows how to plan!) was:

Strawberry Shortcake

The first step was making the cake and this year she wanted a "big girl cake". By that she meant- multiple layers.

This year we decided to use fondant. And the best part about fondant is....We all got to help!
KK was definitely the master mind behind the whole thing.

But we all had our part to do. Nana, KK, Sandy, me and Kalaya all made parts for the cake.

She loved her cake!

We had to make sure Strawberry made it to the top somehow!

And of course everything was pink, pink, and pink.

But as long as there was food-- Justice didn't care what color it was.

And of course, after eating (pizza party- which by the way was the best idea we ever came up with. No cooking, no dishes, just nice and easy) --it was time for presents!

and wrestling with the cousins.

She loves her new skates. However, her favorite gift was a tub waterfall toy for her Barbie mermaid. How do I know it's her favorite? After opening presents she immediately stripped down and got in the bath to play.

And of course we had our customary water party too. Slip n Slide- balloons- water guns, etc.

Dominic stayed in for the water festivities--maybe next year!

Happy Birthday Lay-Lay Part Deux!

The next part of Kalaya's 4th birthday included alot of surprises for my big girl.

We woke up early Sunday morning and loaded in the car to go on a "surprise birthday adventure"!

She was ready to go.

First stop was the Chattanooga Zoo. And even though this zoo is smaller the others-- it was AWESOME. Alot less people to contend with and way cheaper. The best part was getting a private behind the scenes tour of the entire zoo where we fed tons of the animals and got to hear neat stories about them.
Can you see Goliath sitting rigth beside Kalaya at the window? Hard to tell but there was a massive chimpanzee sitting right beside her.

Walking into the train car to view the cougars.

She loved the zoo- although it was as hot as a billy goat in a pepper patch out there.

Good thing we got a nice big ole bed at the Chattanooga Choo Choo to relax on!

Not to mention the pool with waterfalls that we had to swim in as oftern as possible.She enjoyed our newly created "french fry Jenga" game at Cheeburger Cheeburger too.

(yes, I spelled that right)

Resting after a loooong day.

Looking at the choo choo's the next morning.
After eating breakfast the next day- we visited the children's museum.

If you've never taken your kids there-- go now!

Don't stop, don't pass go, don't collect 200 dollars.
We've been to the Atlanta one too, and don't get me wrong, it's nice. But the Chattanooga one is awesome.

She REALLY enjoyed painting her own face.

Played lots of instruments (by the way, its around now that my OCD and other lovely things start kickin up in my head and I realize I'd really like to bathe in hand sanitizer right about now)

Operation! The upstairs theme was Grossology for the summer. Lots of information on boogies, poo, burping, and smells.

Bring your 4-49 yr old boys for entertainment.

The trip was awesome. She came back tired but very happy.

Now the question is---

how do we beat this next year!